Leasing – DT Robbins

This sort of ruins our buzz on account of how sad it is. Then we realize he didn’t mention Tiffany. Mel goes, “Fuck Tiffany! She’s a nasty bitch that smells like infected budussy!” The sentiment warrants a shot. Cheers! I go, “Fuck Lloyd because that motherfucker wants to rape the both of us!” Mel goes, “And fuck Mark for being a piece of shit cheater with a tiny dick!” I wish every day at Victoria Lawn could be like this. Mel tells me she’s supposed to have a date tonight.

I go, “Fuck yeah, dude. Good for you.” We take a shot. “I haven’t heard from April since the other night.” She asks why, so I tell her, and the look of horror that spreads across her face bears an uncanny resemblance to the one April had when she escaped my apartment. She goes, “Jesus Christ, David.” I go, “Yeah, she was out of my league anyway.”

Mel goes, “No shit, just give her some time. Honestly, I’m just amazed neither of you noticed until it was too late. You didn’t taste anything at all?” I start getting a chub, so I change the subject by asking who the lucky guy is. Mel rolls her eyes and says, “This personal trainer at my gym.

He’s an asshole with the intelligence of a turd, but he’s hot and I have needs.” “What’s his name?” “It’s really bad.” “Is it Kyle?” “His name’s Hartley.” “That’s precious.” OceanofPDF.com It takes over a month for Rick and corporate to narrow down a few poor fuckers as his potential replacement. One of us let it out that Rick is leaving and that his position is open, so we get about a dozen applications from some of the residents. It’s a glorious freak show.

Most of these people haven’t had a steady job in over a decade but wholeheartedly believe that paying some of their rent on time some of the time makes them ideal candidates. They come in dripping with beads of yellow sweat, smelling like minced garlic and onions. They come in with big dreams and high expectations. My favorite of all the resident applicants is the lady from 302A.

She has a mouthful of silver teeth and a plethora of tooth gems. She walks in real slow and gives the office a long onceover like she’s planning to run this bitch soon enough. She hands Mel a massive pan of freshly baked cupcakes then goes into Rick’s office and puts her handwritten resume on his desk without uttering a single word.

She just smiles and winks at us, motioning for us to eat her rainbow-sprinkled baked goods. Mel says they’re probably poisoned.

“Wild, sharp, and hilarious, the stories in Leasing refuse to be confined by the walls they exist within—D.T. Robbins is a force to be reckoned with.”—CHELSEA HODSON, editor of Rose Books and author of Tonight I’m Someone Else “Fast, fun, and fully grounded, Leasing is a no-nipples dive into a low-rent lifestyle. It sprints and crackles. Glistens and heaves. D.T. Robbins is a bold voice—an exhilarating raconteur.”—BRIAN ALLEN CARR, author of Bad Foundations “Leasing is a feat of hypnosis—sucking you into its world, reminding you of some of the worst moments of your life, your shittiest living conditions, people you’re happy are in your past instead of present…

all while making you enjoy the experience. And every now and then, the writing breaks that spell, reaching down into something deeper, or up into the heavens, or straight off the page and right into your heart, and shows you something special that reminds you why you read.”—AARON BURCH, author of Year of the Buffalo “Leasing is a buck wild novel about the dead-end jobs we endure in our ridiculous quest to stay alive.

It’s a little like The Florida Project set in Southern California, or Harry Crews writing an episode of The Office while high on acid, only the office is in hell, and the acid is actually PCP. D.T. Robbins is the patron saint of fuckups, and his sick, perverted world will make you holy.”—KEVIN MALONEY, author of The Red-Headed Pilgrim “Leasing is about the invisible forces crushing people until they collapse under their own despair.

Also, a hilarious story of workplace friendships and romance. Also, one man’s tale of how (not) to vomit on opportunity. D.T. Robbins has centrifuged human misery to reveal its sweet centre.”— CHARLENE ELSBY, author of Violent Faculties and The Devil Thinks I’m Pretty “[Leasing is] fucking funny, so moving, such an incredible ride—utter genius and hilarity from D.T.

Robbins.”—LEXI KENT-MONNING, author of The Burden of Joy “Scatological, nihilistic, and absurd… [Leasing] has the narrative velocity of a racecar with all the bolts loosened. We move quickly, but we’re not in control, not safe at all… something gross happens… something sad happens… [like] other House of Vlad titles, specifically [Jon Lindsey’s] Body High and [Tex Gresham’s] Violent Candy, but whereas those books sought to occasionally transcend the scuzz and grime, Leasing luxuriates in the squalor.”—KYLE SEIBEL, author of Hey You Assholes “The short bursts of chaos that are the scenes in Leasing form a cohesive whole much in the same way the mind threads together flashes in a dream.

Except here it’s more nightmare than dream. And the language itself is its own character. Robbins’s prose certainly isn’t spare or lacking description.

This is a short excerpt from the opening of “” by Unknown, quoted for review and introduction purposes. All rights belong to the copyright holders.

Book Information

• Unique ID: 416f08311c5f1745
• File Extension: .pdf
• File Size: 1,372,939 bytes (1.309 MB)
• Title: –
• Author: Unknown
• Pages: 128
• Language: English (en)

Reading & Word Statistics

• Estimated Reading Time: 203.53 minutes
• Total Words: 40,707
• Total Characters: 220,754
• Average Words per Page: 318.02
• Average Characters per Page: 1724.64

Most Frequent Words

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