Cracked Not Broken – Kevin Hines

I would move that chair around the circle-shaped hallway within the ward with a nurse and physical therapist always by my side. When my arms were in better shape, I had better control of the wheelchair and whipped around the hospital like I ran the place. From the wheelchair, I was upgraded to a walker. At first, it didn’t seem like a promotion.

I moved fast in my wheelchair. With the walker, I moved like a ninety-five-year-old man, shuffling slowly, one tiny step at a time. Recovery of any kind is like that, moving at a slug’s speed, and ridding oneself of things that cause you hurt or harm. Deep down inside, though, I knew I was making tremendous progress.

On the day of my discharge, I was transferred to my first psychiatric ward. My emotions were haywire, from excitement to sadness, from grief to elation. I know it sounds weird, but I was excited. In the psychiatric ward, I would trade in my walker for a cane and a back brace.

What a great day that turned out to be! The bottom line is that I was so thankful to be standing and breathing. I was so thankful to be alive. OceanofPDF.com The First Hotel Stay After the hospital, I was admitted to a psych ward in San Francisco. It would be the first of seven psychiatric wards that I would be admitted to over the next ten years. I came to call them “luxurious hotel stays.”

When I arrived, I was barely moving, let alone walking. Though I’d been treated for the injuries I’d sustained in jumping from the Golden Gate Bridge—those shattered vertebrae—I had yet to heal. Though I was happy to be alive, life had become incredibly painful. Putting on my back brace was a nearly impossible feat I struggled with each morning. The brace was made of an extremely hard and inflexible plastic connected with industrial-grade Velcro.

I hardly had the strength to move, let alone to fasten that Velcro. Velcro that was strong enough to hold me together. At least, until I could do so on my own. Every day, I couldn’t avoid my twenty-three staple, sixteen-inch scar. With the brace, my hands would run down my side and feel the rough ripple of skin undulating between each staple scar.

Flashbacks of my jump would overwhelm me. Memories of that wind, tearing me apart. That emptiness of four seconds that stretched out for far longer. The height and water closing fast. The impact of the water. Nearly drowning. Fear set in along with regret from what I had done. Being admitted to and living in a psych ward was, is, and never will be an easy situation.

Praise for Cracked, Not Broken “Kevin’s remarkable story of resilience and courage provides keen insight into the intense ambivalence experienced by those who struggle with thoughts of suicide. It is tragic to think about the hundreds who may have similarly wished like Kevin to be back on the bridge immediately after jumping. However, it is also extremely hopeful that lives can be saved even when someone is truly intent on ending their pain. Cracked, Not Broken proclaims, ‘suicide is not inevitable for anyone’ and that belief is strengthening commitment to suicide prevention everywhere from the Golden Gate Bridge to the U.S.

health care system.” —David Covington, Vice President, Adult & Youth Services, Magellan Health Services “Kevin is an extraordinary person with an inspirational story. This book should be mandatory reading for all health, social care, educational, government, and front line professionals—in fact everyone! Kevin has an extremely powerful message of hope for all.” —Alys Cole-King, FRC, Psych, consultant psychiatrist, Royal College of Psychiatrists spokesperson on suicide and self-harm, Connecting with People training co-founder, and medical director Open Minds Alliance CIC/United Kingdom “Suicidal individuals often approach the edge of life and death, few catapult themselves over that edge and into the abyss below and return to talk about [it].

Kevin Hines knows. He has reflected, plummeting at 75 mph toward a freezing cold ‘certain death’ on ‘what have I done?’ and ‘I want to live’ while racing toward death. Hines gives us all hope, strength, and courage to face another day, take on the challenges of life, and keep ‘living well.’” —William Schmitz Jr., PsyD, president-elect, American Association of Suicidology “A compelling look into the despair of mental illness and the fight for mental wellness” —Brandy Mychals, bestselling author of How to Read a Client from Across the Room “Kevin Hines’s memoir is a startling, hair-raising, and compulsively readable account of one man’s descent into the hell of bipolar disorder.

It is a courageous testament of a man facing the tragedy of mental illness. Every person suffering with mental illness (or family member or friend) should read this book as soon as possible because it will save lives.” —Andy Behrman, author of Electroboy: A Memoir of Mania “Kevin Hines’s book is both mesmerizing and eye-opening.

This is a short excerpt from the opening of “” by Unknown, quoted for review and introduction purposes. All rights belong to the copyright holders.

Book Information

• Unique ID: 1478283dedb904e2
• File Extension: .pdf
• File Size: 1,365,113 bytes (1.302 MB)
• Title: –
• Author: Unknown
• ISBN: 9781442222403, 9781442222410
• Pages: 189
• Language: English (en)

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• Estimated Reading Time: 345.39 minutes
• Total Words: 69,079
• Total Characters: 376,870
• Average Words per Page: 365.5
• Average Characters per Page: 1994.02

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