Dead Room Farce – Simon Brett (1)

‘That is possible, of course it is. However, the fact remains that I’m me, and I have only one way of seeing life.’ ‘And it looks better to you through the bottom of a glass of whisky?’ ‘Undoubtedly.’ Lisa Wilson shook her head in exasperation. ‘But, Charles, just think how much of your time you waste by drinking.’

‘It gets me through it,’ he responded doggedly. ‘Without the booze, life would just take so long.’ ‘Hm. And have you ever tried to give up? I mean, seriously tried?’ ‘I’ve tried to cut down from time to time. I’ve gone whole days without a drop,’ he added virtuously. ‘But never really tried?’ ‘If you mean by that, have I ever joined something like Alcoholics Anonymous, then the answer’s no. I couldn’t stand all those smug, self- righteous people swamping me with the patronising zeal of the converted.

No, thanks. If I decided to give up, I’d do it on my own.’ ‘But could you –?’ ‘Actually, I heard this joke,’ Charles interrupted, trying to lighten the atmosphere. ‘“Friend of mine used to have a drinking problem, so he joined Alcoholics Anonymous. He still drinks, but under another name!”’ Lisa Wilson was not to be deflected by humour. ‘Could you actually give up, Charles?’

‘Give up booze? Of course I could.’ His head was aching more than ever now. All he needed was a drink to melt away the pain. ‘It’s just that I don’t want to,’ he concluded. She sat back, with a cynical curl to her lip. ‘And what’s that expression meant to mean, Lisa?’ ‘Just that I don’t think you could give up.’ ‘Of course I could.’

‘Yes?’ Her patent disbelief was beginning to annoy him. ‘Yes, of course I bloody could! Just like that. All right, I won’t have another drink till I leave Bath.’ As a smile of satisfaction spread over Lisa Wilson’s face, one thought dominated Charles’s mind. It was: Oh my God, what have I said?

‘Good,’ said Lisa quietly. Then she stood up. ‘There’s a corner shop along the road. They’re open every day of the week, and do sandwiches and Cokes and all that stuff. Shall we grab some there to have for lunch?’

This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.

This title first published in Great Britain in 1997 by Victor Gollancz eBook edition first published in 2012 by Severn House Digital an imprint of Severn House Publishers Limited Copyright © 1997 Simon Brett. The right of Simon Brett to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs & Patents Act 1988.

A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library. ISBN-13: 978-1-4483-0021-1 (epub) Except where actual historical events and characters are being described for the storyline of this novel, all situations in this publication are fictitious and any resemblance to living persons is purely coincidental. This eBook produced by Palimpsest Book Production Limited, Falkirk, Stirlingshire, Scotland. OceanofPDF.com To David and Jacqui OceanofPDF.com Chapter One THAT September morning Charles Paris had his trousers round his ankles, but it was for entirely professional reasons.

He was taking part in the final London rehearsal for the forthcoming three-month tour of Not On Your Wife!, a new farce by the prolific British farceur, Bill Blunden. Charles was playing Aubrey, the older lover of Gilly, wife of Bob, the advertising executive who was pretending that his young mistress Nicky was in fact the property of his hapless neighbour, Ted, played in this Parrott Fashion production by the well-loved comedy actor, Bernard Walton. In the scene they were rehearsing, Charles Paris, as Aubrey, had just arrived for a bit of illicit afternoon pleasure with Gilly .

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This is a short excerpt from the opening of “” by Unknown, quoted for review and introduction purposes. All rights belong to the copyright holders.

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