Drink Smoke Pass Out – Judith Lucy (1)

God knows how many natur- opaths, acupuncturists and Chinese herbalists ’’ve seen over the years, with complaints about everything from never-ending – thrush to chronic digestion problems. I would tell them about what was by then my reasonably healthy diet, but neglect to mention that I really needed a chain gang of livers to cope with the toxins I was also putting into my body.

I would skip off with a new batch of herbs after my cupping or massage, when I may as well have just cut straight to the six pack for all the good they did me. An indication of my state of mind is that I often fantasised about my own funeral. It would actually cheer me up.

I would enjoy thinking about the eulogies as I pictured a room packed to the rafters, and I would fantasise about the many, many men wandering around weeping and thinking, ‘Oh my God, I was just so in love with her and she was so very beautiful, and now I’ll never be able to tell her. . . I’ll never be able to make love to that incredible woman.’ (My coffin would be wheeled out while Lionel Richie sang ‘Three Times a Lady’.)

Before writing this book, I was aware that for many years I’d been stuck in a particular pattern. I was a heavy drinker and dope smoker who could manage reasonably well until tragedy struck, and then I would go completely off the rails. But only writing it down has made me realise how grimly predictable my behaviour was and how miraculous it is that I still have teeth.

I used to do a regular weekly spot on a popular radio pro- gram where I would talk about my life and drunken escapades. I now understand why one of the presenters told me that when- ever they got letters about me, they all said the same thing: ‘Is she all right?’ How on earth did I keep convincing myself that I was?

It’s like I was wandering around in a cloud of smoke with a ringing alarm on my head, denying that my legs were on fire. Here’s yet another story that maybe should have indicated that I hadn’t been on top of things for some time. Along with death, moving house is in the top five most stressful events we go through, so when Liv and I had to move out of the share house we had lived in with Michelle (she had already returned to Perth), we arranged NOTHING, except more to drink.

What did we think was going to happen? A fairy was just going to sort it all out for us? All I remember about the days leading up to the move was drinking a lot of beer from about midday and taking valium like Tic Tacs.

707 Collins Street, Melbourne, Victoria 3008, Australia (a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty Ltd) Penguin Group (USA) Inc. 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA Penguin Group (Canada) 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Canada ON M4P 2Y3 (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.) Penguin Books Ltd 80 Strand, London WC2R ORL England Penguin Ireland 25 St Stephen’s Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd) Penguin Books India Pvt Ltd 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi – 110 017, India Penguin Group (NZ) 67 Apollo Drive, Rosedale, North Shore 0632, New Zealand (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd) Penguin Books (South Africa) (Pty) Ltd Rosebank Office Park, Block D, 181 Jan Smuts Avenue, Parktown North, Johannesburg, 2196, South Africa Penguin (Beijing) Ltd 7E, Tower B, Jiaming Center, 27 East Third Ring Road North, Chaoyang District, Beijing 100020, China Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R ORL, England First published by Penguin Group (Australia), 2012 1098 7 654321 Text copyright © Judith Lucy 2012 The moral right of the author has been asserted All rights reserved.

Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book. Cover Design by John Canty © Penguin Group (Australia) Text Design by Adam Laszczuk © Penguin Group (Australia) Typeset in 11.5/18 pt Sabon Printed and bound in Australia by McPherson’s Printing Group, Maryborough, Victoria National Library of Australia Cataloguing-in-Publication data: Lucy, Judith.

Drink, smoke, pass out : an unlikely spiritual journey / Judith Lucy. ISBN 9780670074914 (pbk.) Lucy, Judith. Women comedians—Australia—Biography. Spiritual biography—Australia. 792.7028092 penguin.com.au MIX Paper from responsible sources wmiscos FSC*C001695 FSC ALWAYS LEARNING PEARSON Dy f egy CONTENTS Introduction 1 Soli Deo Gloria (Glory Be to God!) 4 Comedy 21 Booze 48 Boys 69 Death 85 Magic Happens 110 More Comedy 122 More Boys 137 Family i353 City of Churches Lee, Television ive Brisvegas Pa Acknowledgements 248 “) € i BL ie, ae, Cs ¥ ee a) pyr at ipa INTRODUCTION Some of you may be a little familiar with the book Eat, Pray, Love.

It’s a woman’s search ‘for everything’ after a horrible divorce. The author’s search takes her to Italy, India and Bali. Coincidentally, the last three countries I’ve been to are the same ones, and in the same order, although there were returns home in between.

This is a short excerpt from the opening of “” by Unknown, quoted for review and introduction purposes. All rights belong to the copyright holders.

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