Little Bean – Lara McKenzie

They’re no longer mine. They’re bowling balls, repossessed by Sabine who treats them like an all-you-can-drink buffet that never closes. I am, apparently, the manager, waitress, and emotional support staff of Chez Dairy Queen. Breastfeeding always sounded so wholesome in the pregnancy books. A natural bond, a beautiful moment, a gift for your child. What they don’t mention is that the gift comes with cracked nipples, milk stains on every item of clothing I own and the creeping fear that my daughter might secretly be part piranha.

By day three, I’d learned two vital truths: Lanolin cream is the only thing keeping me alive. I would build a shrine to it if I could lift my arms without wincing. Scorpion has absolutely no business smiling while I hiss like a boiling kettle every time Sabine latches. The man has gone to war, faced monsters, and wrestled literal demons, but apparently, my breastfeeding face is his favourite form of entertainment. He tried to be helpful by fetching water, adjusting pillows and hovering like a demon-shaped mother hen.

The first time he leaned in all serious and murmured, “You’re doing magnificently, skathari,” I nearly threw a nipple shield at his head. “Don’t you dare praise me right now,” I groaned. “I thought encouragement was important.” He looked down at Sabine. “Strategic feeding technique. Excellent jaw strength. My myrathi will be formidable.” “Formidable?!” I wheezed. “My nipple is not a training arena!

This isn’t the Umbrafore Academy for Tiny Warriors. It’s my boobs, and they’re under attack!” Somewhere in the background, Genevieve muttered, “Efficient resource extraction. Strong survival instincts. Excellent milking form.” I pointed at her. “Don’t you start! Say moo and I’ll summon an exorcist.” She flicked her tail. “Please, I’m above bovine humour. I prefer elite dairy operative.” Mid-feed, Sabine’s turquoise shimmer lit up the nursery like we were hosting an underwater rave, while her baby-sized shadows rippled across the blanket.

Scorpion looked euphoric. “She is already weaving shadow and shimmer.” “She’s knawing my nipple,” I snapped. From the dresser, Genevieve shrieked, “The milk must flow!” I glared and said a bad, bad word. “Ghostly godmothers do not take orders or abuse,” she declared, before uppercutting a muslin cloth into the air like she was auditioning for Mortal Kombat. Then there are the nappies.

Oh, sweet merciful caffeine, the nappies. Nobody warns you about the blast radius of a newborn. One moment, there’s a peaceful little squirm and maybe a slight smile. The next is like a demon horn announcing the end of days.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise—without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations used in reviews or scholarly works. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, businesses, organisations, and events are either the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

First published in 2025 by Lara McKenzie For more information, visit: www.laramckenzie.co.uk Cover Illustration by Manuka Madushan, Digital Illustrator. OceanofPDF.com Also by Lara McKenzie MAYA’S BLOGS Espresso Yourself Brew Diligence Uncharted Grounds Flat White Flag Other Umbrafore Novels Kiss My Ash (Charlotte) OceanofPDF.com Contents Foreword 1. The Hybrid Pregnancy Chronicles 2. Little Bean, Big Chaos 3. The Message I Never Expected 4. Pregnancy & the Pursuit of Protein 5. From Battle Siren to Mum-in-Training 6. When Kindness Feels Like a Trap 7.

The Hybrid Agenda 8. TMI? 9. My Brother Read the Cooch Post 10. When Hate Campaigns Meet Demonic Family Values 11. Flowing Through the Sacred Feminine 12. The Great Birthing Centre Showdown 13. Pod Person or Personal Growth? Jury’s Still Out 14. Death Came in Flowers 15. From Poison to Press Conference 16. Florence Nightgarlic & the Hospital of Doom 17.

Recognition Isn’t the Same as Repair 18. Voice Lessons & One Smitten Shrimp 19. This Is Where the Cycle Ends 20. The Price of Safety 21. Boat Feet & Battle Lullabies 22. Welcome to the World, Baby Girl 23. The Milk Must Flow 24. Fear, Fury, and Finding a New Version of Safe 25. Sonic Warfare 26. Cautiously Hopeful, Mildly Confused 27. Battle Siren: The Next Generation 28. The Demon, the Lotion, & the Shrimp 29. Official Statement from the Draven Household 30. When Privacy Is Murderously Careless 31.

Postpartum: No Bounce-Backs, Just Boob Cosies 32. The Beautiful Prison of Ashvale Nocturn 33. When Your Infant Needs Structural Containment 34. Hope Has Limits (& So Do I) 35. Shadow, Shimmer & the Sea 36. Today’s Parenting Tip: Hire a Ward Witch 37. Classified Information: Dax Caulder Edition 38. The Morning Everything Fell Apart 39. Learning to Say No Without Guilt 40. You’re Allowed to Need Things 41. Love, Laughter & Literary Atrocities 42. Mermaid Necromancy for Beginners 43. The Monster & the Mother 44.

Come Home Soon 45. Alive & Insufferable 46. It’s Ok (Phoenix Edition) 47. Rising, Rebuilding, Resonating 48. Ashvale Reborn 49.

This is a short excerpt from the opening of “” by Unknown, quoted for review and introduction purposes. All rights belong to the copyright holders.

Book Information

• Unique ID: a658d45931b7263d
• File Extension: .pdf
• File Size: 2,121,774 bytes (2.023 MB)
• Title: –
• Author: Unknown
• Pages: 433
• Language: English (en)

Reading & Word Statistics

• Estimated Reading Time: 266.4 minutes
• Total Words: 53,280
• Total Characters: 324,837
• Average Words per Page: 123.05
• Average Characters per Page: 750.2

Most Frequent Words

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