{"id":250977,"date":"2026-07-13T00:52:31","date_gmt":"2026-07-12T21:52:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/1kitap1.com\/en\/abstract-love-aileen-carter\/"},"modified":"2026-07-13T00:52:31","modified_gmt":"2026-07-12T21:52:31","slug":"abstract-love-aileen-carter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/1kitap1.com\/en\/abstract-love-aileen-carter\/","title":{"rendered":"Abstract Love – Aileen Carter"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"<\/figure>\n

\u201cArianna, I\u2019m just trying to help.\u201d, he says, his voice strained with the effort to hide his frustration. \u201cYou\u2019ve helped enough. Thank you.\u201d, I reply, keeping my gaze fixed on the mug, refusing to meet his eyes. \u201cArianna, did someone hurt you? Did they push you? What happened?\u201d, he presses, unwilling to let it go. And it\u2019s just too much. \u201cStop pushing me!\u201d, I snap, tears stinging my eyes \u2013 this time hot and angry.<\/p>\n

\u201cI am trying to help you!\u201d, he fires back, his voice rising to match mine. I flinch and bolt upright from the sofa, my body rigid. \u201cLeave.\u201d, I whisper, arm outstretched, finger aimed at the door. He hesitates, mouth open like he might protest. \u201cArianna …\u201d His voice softens, pleading now, but I shake my head.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo. Leave. Now.\u201d My voice is flat, cold. And I don\u2019t move until he finally turns and walks out, leaving me in silence. 1kitap1.com\/en lie awake in my bed, restless. I toss from side to side, my thoughts looping endlessly back to the shed \u2013 to that raw, crushing fear and desperation. The only thing that offers me a little bit of distraction is the memory of my argument with Oscar that spun out of control. Maybe I did overreact a bit, but opening up about my stalker situation?<\/p>\n

It … was just too much. I really don\u2019t know how I could\u2019ve handled it better. Suddenly, my phone buzzes and I freeze. I\u2019ve already blocked that unknown number, so it can\u2019t be them again … right? Even stalkers need a break sometimes, don\u2019t they? My heart rattles in my chest as I reach for my phone, hands shaking. Relief surges through me when I see Oscar\u2019s name glowing on the screen. Oscar: Hey. I\u2019m sorry for pushing too hard.<\/p>\n

You\u2019ve already been through so much, and I shouldn\u2019t have tried to make you relive those memories. I was just furious about everything that happened \u2013 and the thought of someone hurting or harassing you made me lose my cool. I\u2019m truly sorry, Arianna. I blink in surprise. That\u2019s … unexpectedly thoughtful. I can feel my anger toward him soften, melting away as I start to type my reply.<\/p>\n

Arianna: Hey, I\u2019m so sorry for snapping earlier! It was just a lot today \ud83d\ude41 We\u2019re okay, right? Oscar: Of course. Oscar: So, why are you still up? I thought I wouldn\u2019t hear from you until morning \ud83d\ude42 Arianna: I could ask you the same thing \ud83d\ude42 Oscar: Couldn\u2019t sleep. Ended up reading instead Arianna: What are you reading? Oscar: Crime and Punishment Arianna: Oh, I love Dostoevsky!!<\/p>\n

\n

Enjoy the Silence \u2013 Depeche Mode Somebody\u2019s Watching Me \u2013 Rockwell So Happy I Could Die \u2013 Lady Gaga Oscar\u2019s songs: Monster \u2013 Lady Gaga Rasputin \u2013 Boney M. Eat me alive \u2013 Artemas Super Freak \u2013 Rick James I WANNA BE YOUR SLAVE \u2013 Maneskin Paparazzi \u2013 Lady Gaga 1kitap1.com\/en I CHAPTER 1 \u2013OSCAR One month before step into my hotel room and toss my coat over a chair.<\/p>\n

The day has been thoroughly frustrating and now I feel utterly drained. Rain spills over London in sheets outside the window, and a long sigh escapes me. Fucking hell, my head is throbbing … I lie down on the bed, eyes closed, trying to recall those useless meditation sessions. The breathing exercises never help. On the contrary, my mind just accelerates in the silence, making my headache even worse.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve lived in this state for more than a year now, but lately every night feels like I\u2019m hitting a new low point. My patience is eroding bit by bit. My therapist says I fell into a void after selling my last company. That my mind craves a challenge but finds nothing to cling to. Maybe he\u2019s right. Maybe he\u2019s just labelling the obvious. Heaven knows I\u2019ve tried everything \u2013 sports, music, chess, travelling, meditation.<\/p>\n

I re-read the classics, learned every single poem in my collection by heart, desperate to feel something. Anything. Yet all I ever feel is the dull, pulsing pain behind my eyes, suffocating any hope of peace. The dark thoughts that have been swirling in my head for months return with cold fingers, crawling up my neck again.<\/p>\n

Life has become boring and pointless, and my mind is asking that dangerous question again \u2013 why not fucking end it? I was never the type of person to do something when I didn\u2019t see the point in it. And living has become the manifestation of suffering, a cage I\u2019m trapped in, with no hope for escape. I shake my head sharply.<\/p>\n

These thoughts aren\u2019t helping. I push myself up, searching for any kind of distraction the room has to offer. At first, nothing grasps my attention. The wallpaper pattern? Boring. The wooden wardrobe? Generic garbage. Come on, something, I need something! A half-open drawer beside the bed catches my eye, more out of irritation than interest. I move to close it but pause, giving in to the impulse to pull it open instead.<\/p>\n

Inside lies a Bible.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

This is a short excerpt from the opening of “” by Unknown, quoted for review and introduction purposes. All rights belong to the copyright holders.<\/em><\/p>\n

\n
\n

Table of Contents<\/p>\nToggle<\/span><\/path><\/svg><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n