{"id":255133,"date":"2026-07-13T04:04:10","date_gmt":"2026-07-13T01:04:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/1kitap1.com\/en\/built-n-burned-eliza-hawkins\/"},"modified":"2026-07-13T04:04:10","modified_gmt":"2026-07-13T01:04:10","slug":"built-n-burned-eliza-hawkins","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/1kitap1.com\/en\/built-n-burned-eliza-hawkins\/","title":{"rendered":"Built N Burned – Eliza Hawkins"},"content":{"rendered":"
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I usually love the quiet; need that and blackout curtains for sleep. But nights like tonight? When my mind won\u2019t shut off and the anxiety-induced \u201cwhat-ifs\u201d kicks in? It\u2019s brutal. I flip my pillow and press my face into it, trying to count breaths like every article suggests. I even open one of those meditation apps Nessa swears by, but nothing works. My eyes flick toward the chair outside the window and how he always sands the edges down perfectly for me.<\/p>\n

I hate that I still notice things like that. I hate that he still feels like relief and comfort. Sam has always been able to help me on these nights. I try not to wake him as I roll around tossing and turning, but he always seems to feel my tension through his sleep. Whenever I was too much in my head, he was the only one who could get me out. I\u2019ve never judged another woman for chasing her pleasure.<\/p>\n

Casual sex? Yes. Toys? Absolutely. Orgasms? Non-negotiable. But me? I\u2019ve never been able to get there on my own when my anxiety is spiraling. Not fully, not until Sam. Ever since we met, he\u2019s been the one who could unravel me with a whisper, a look, a single touch. And now, he\u2019s not here. And I hate that I need him like this. I toss in bed, yanked awake by a restless body and a brain stuck on loop. It’s past 1:00 a.m., and I\u2019ve officially hit a wall.<\/p>\n

I grab my phone and stare at his name longer than I should. This is a bad idea, I know it is. But I press call anyway. He answers on the second ring, voice thick with sleep. \u201cBecca? Are you okay?\u201d \u201cNo.\u201d I\u2019m breathing heavy. \u201cYou took away the one thing that used to help me sleep \u2026 and I don\u2019t know what to do without it.\u201d A pause. A rustle of sheets. \u201cBaby \u2026\u201d \u201cYou know how I spiral in the middle of the night, how I can\u2019t escape my thoughts \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

My voice wobbles.<\/p>\n

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No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. 1kitap1.com\/en To the Beccas of the world\u2060\u2014 The women who carry the plan. Who built the spreadsheet, remembered the deadline, and somehow kept dreaming anyway. This one’s for you. 1kitap1.com\/en CONTENTS 1. Becca 2. Becca 3.<\/p>\n

Becca 4. Sam 5. Becca 6. Becca 7. Sam 8. Sam 9. Becca 10. Sam 11. Becca 12. Becca 13. Sam 14. Becca 15. Becca 16. Becca 17. Becca 18. Becca 19. Sam 20. Becca 21. Becca 22. Sam 23. Becca 24. Sam 25. Becca 26. Sam 27. Sam 28. Becca 29. Sam 30. Sam 31. Becca 32. Sam 33. Becca 34. Sam 35. Becca 36. Sam 37. Becca 38.<\/p>\n

Sam 39. Becca 40. Sam One Year Later About the Author 1kitap1.com\/en \u201cC 1 BECCA ongratulations on your loan repayment!\u201d My friend Vanessa Durham says as she hugs me tightly. Nessa is all movement and color\u2014dark curls, dangly earrings, and at least three rings on each hand. She is hosting our monthly get- together, this one themed \u201cTarot and Tonics.\u201d Every month, one of us hosts a get-together like this.<\/p>\n

The theme is \u201cZentrology,\u201d a fun word created by our friend Mackenzie Burke. As Mack puts it, \u201cZentrology is the mellow belief in astrology, purely for self- reflection and chill.\u201d We vary widely on how much we believe in mystics, with me being on the lowest end of the scale. Nessa would tell you that checks out, since I am a Capricorn and completely goal-oriented, as well as highly grounded and practical as an earth sign. Then there is Nessa, on the opposite end of the spectrum.<\/p>\n

She says being a Sagittarius makes her spiritually curious. As a fire sign, she feels bold but also a bit restless. She believes reading her daily horoscopes helps give her a to-do list or an action plan, but to each their own. No matter our differences, I always go to great lengths to attend our Zentrology nights.<\/p>\n

I hand over my drink concoction. The bungalow smells like incense and something sweet\u2014candle wax or spilled wine, maybe both\u2014and every surface has something on it: a crystal, a candle, a plant that she has probably named. Although the host sets the theme, we would never let them provide everything. \u201cHere you go,\u201d I offer with a grin. \u201cI\u2019m calling this one my \u2018Cucumber Crescent,’ in honor of the moon phase tonight. I made a tonic water with cucumber and mint from my garden.<\/p>\n

Then, I added the gin I bought on discount last week. This inspired the whole drink!\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

This is a short excerpt from the opening of “” by Unknown, quoted for review and introduction purposes. All rights belong to the copyright holders.<\/em><\/p>\n

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