{"id":261148,"date":"2026-07-13T18:09:47","date_gmt":"2026-07-13T15:09:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/1kitap1.com\/en\/funny-kid-seriously-soccer-matt-stanton-1\/"},"modified":"2026-07-13T18:09:47","modified_gmt":"2026-07-13T15:09:47","slug":"funny-kid-seriously-soccer-matt-stanton-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/1kitap1.com\/en\/funny-kid-seriously-soccer-matt-stanton-1\/","title":{"rendered":"Funny Kid Seriously Soccer – Matt Stanton (1)"},"content":{"rendered":"
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I hope it\u2019s not Snowdrop! But it does smell like a farting corpse in there, so they\u2019ve moved us to the library while Mr Bert investigates. We\u2019re supposed to be doing a comprehension worksheet, which is a great opportunity for me to do something else instead. Like work on some jokes. Saturday might be our first soccer game, but it\u2019s also my first half-time show and I want to make sure it\u2019s really funny. I keep thinking about Grandpa\u2019s advice.<\/p>\n

I want to make sure my jokes perfectly match my audience. I\u2019ve grabbed a piece of paper from the photocopier and written \u2018Soccer Jokes\u2019 at the top. That\u2019s as far as I\u2019ve got. \u2018Is that going to be a list of jokes or just a list of your players?\u2019 Abby plonks herself down on the other side of the table from me. \u2018Either would work.\u2019 I shrug. \u2018Taking things seriously isn\u2019t really my strength,\u2019 I reply. \u2018It\u2019s okay, Abby. I know my team stinks.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m big enough to face the facts. You\u2019re going to thrash us on Saturday, but that\u2019s all right because I don\u2019t really care. I\u2019m going to focus on making everyone laugh.\u2019 I try to come up with an opening joke, but Abby folds her arms and glares at me. I try to ignore her, but it\u2019s like trying to pretend a T. rex in a tutu isn\u2019t there when it actually is. You can\u2019t do it. I drop my pencil on the table and sigh.<\/p>\n

\u2018What?\u2019 I ask Abby. \u2018That\u2019s not what a coach does,\u2019 Abby says, like she\u2019s prodding me with each word. \u2018A coach encourages their team. Defends their team. I\u2019m supposed to tease your team and you\u2019re supposed to tease my team back. Not agree with me!\u2019 I shrug. \u2018Guess I just haven\u2019t caught soccer fever, have I?\u2019 I say. Abby fumes. \u2018How are we going over here?\u2019 Miss Sweet approaches. \u2018Are you two working hard on your comprehension?\u2019<\/p>\n

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This ebook contains the following accessibility features which, if supported by your device, can be accessed via your ereader\/accessibility settings: Change of font size and line height Change of background and font colours Change of font Change justification Text to speech Page numbers taken from the following print edition: ISBN 9780733342028 OceanofPDF.com Dedication If you love soccer more than books, I get it. I made this book for you. OceanofPDF.com Contents Note to Readers Dedication Chapter 1: Gotta have a goal! Chapter 2: Head butt!<\/p>\n

(Now say it in reverse) Chapter 3: Dodge the sausage! Chapter 4: Zzzzzzz . . . Chapter 5: Cover your mouth! Soccer fever! Chapter 6: Quiet! We’re in the library. Chapter 7: The best idea since butter baths! Chapter 8: I love Linda! Chapter 9: I thought this was a non-contact sport! Chapter 10: I hate Linda! Chapter 11: Toilet training Chapter 12: Poor snowdrop Chapter 13: Some ancient soccer history Chapter 14: Fever dreams!<\/p>\n

Chapter 15: It’s the price of admission. Chapter 16: The Big Game Chapter 17: Finally, the important bit. Chapter 18: Was it something I said? Chapter 19: Dream-wrecker! Chapter 20: Soccer. Seriously? Chapter 21: Painting the soccer balls red! Chapter 22: Meet Mr Stinky! Chapter 23: The Big Game. Again. Chapter 24: The Miracle at Burp. Chapter 25: The Finnegan Fountain! Chapter 26: Goal!<\/p>\n

Bored Series The Odds Series Fluff Series Sneak Peeks Email Matt Stanton About the Author Copyright OceanofPDF.com 1 Gotta have a goal! Tap. Tap. Tap. \u2018Is this thing on?\u2019 I say into the microphone. A squark of feedback comes from the little speaker beside me. I adjust the mic stand because that\u2019s what I\u2019ve seen the professionals on TV do.<\/p>\n

Huh. It\u2019s already as low as it can go. I guess I\u2019ll just stand on my tiptoes. My tummy is quivering inside. This is a big moment. I\u2019m nervous. Some kids dream of being sports stars. Others dream of being celebrity chefs. Some kids dream of being firefighters or teachers or the person at the hospital who catches babies when they\u2019re born.<\/p>\n

Not me. I dream about being a stand-up comedian on TV. And this is an important moment in achieving that goal. Because right now, I\u2019m a stand-up comedian on a street corner. Hugo gives me a thumbs-up.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

This is a short excerpt from the opening of “” by Unknown, quoted for review and introduction purposes. All rights belong to the copyright holders.<\/em><\/p>\n

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