{"id":264254,"date":"2026-07-15T01:59:55","date_gmt":"2026-07-14T22:59:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/1kitap1.com\/en\/insanity-xavier-neal\/"},"modified":"2026-07-15T01:59:55","modified_gmt":"2026-07-14T22:59:55","slug":"insanity-xavier-neal","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/1kitap1.com\/en\/insanity-xavier-neal\/","title":{"rendered":"Insanity – Xavier Neal"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Looking sweet. Innocent. \u201cWhy does your bed–\u201d I cut myself off. \u201cOur bed–\u201d Fuck that’s not right either. \u201cThe bed you sleep in–\u201d not the best save, but fuck it, \u201csmell like my cologne?\u201d the question has my mind racing. \u201cAre you really asking me if I let another guy in our bed? Right after asking me on a date Clint?\u201d My jaw clenches tight. It wasn’t even a possibility. The thought didn’t even cross my mind. Before I can respond she snaps, \u201cWow.<\/p>\n

Just because I made one mistake doesn’t mean I’m dumb enough to make another.\u201d Her voice drops to a tremble, \u201cDo you know how hard it was to let you that close to my body? How could you think I would just do that with anyone?\u201d \u201cYou kissed someone else,\u201d the accusation is out of my mouth before I can stop it. \u201cWhat’s the difference?\u201d The second I see a tear in her eye I shut my eyes and look down. Too wrong. Too far.<\/p>\n

I clutch the rag tighter. \u201cYou wanna know the reason our sheets smell like you? The therapist discussed different coping mechanisms for dealing with loved ones you’ve lost. Occasionally I would spray the cologne in the sheets when I woke up in the morning, so it would be faded by the time I fell asleep. It was like being surrounded by you when you weren’t around. It helped keep the nightmares away sometimes. And others, when they came anyway, well, it helped jog my memory to when you held me close and protected me.<\/p>\n

It was enough to calm me back down to try to rest.\u201d Her words rip through me. My knees buckle. I fight back to stay strong on my feet. To not look weak where she can see. To hide the fact this affects me the way it does. In a low voice I ask, \u201cLoved ones you lost? As in death.<\/p>\n

But I’m not dead.\u201d \u201cPart of you is,\u201d she states wiping away the tear that managed to fall. The same tear I swore I would never be the reason for. My jaw tenses to stop from pulsating. \u201cAnd I know it’s my fault.<\/p>\n

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Published by Entertwine Publishing Cover By Entertwine Publishing Photo by Mark Sands Cover Model Lee Gibber Smashwords Edition, License Notes Thank you for downloading this e-book. This book remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be redistributed to others for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy from their favorite authorized retailer. Thank you for your support. All character, places, and descriptions come from the imagination of the author.<\/p>\n

All are fictional and any resemblance to real life persons or places is purely coincidental OceanofPDF.com Unknown Days Til Deployment For over the hundredth time, I carefully trace the sunflower on the cover of the journal. No exaggeration. I don’t want to open this. I don’t need to. But I know I should.<\/p>\n

I know that dad wants me too. That Slugger deep inside who has been banned from acknowledgment while I was training wants a peek behind the curtain. Wants to have a reason to speak up. He doesn’t need a reason. He shouldn’t get one. I won’t give him one. I toss the journal to the side so it lands where it always does. On the pillow I sleep next to. The pillow that months ago I dreamt of being occupied by Haven. Dreamt of a future with the woman I love more than myself.<\/p>\n

But that was months ago. That was when Slugger was still taking advice from Mindy. When Clint was looking at engagement rings against his father’s will. But now Grim is back. And Grim dreams of nothing. My cell phone presses against my ear as I flop down on the hotel bed. It rings twice before it’s answered.<\/p>\n

\u201cMarine.\u201d With respect in my voice I reply, \u201cSir.\u201d After a beat there’s a long exhale, \u201cIt’s damn good to hear from you son…\u201d I smile faintly. \u201cHow was graduation?\u201d \u201cFirst in my class sir.\u201d \u201cWow,\u201d his voice is dripping with pride. \u201cI’m impressed.\u201d \u201cThank you sir.\u201d Before I actually started school I figured I would be in the top of my class, but then the need to redefine myself all over again and re declare Grim to the world, caused me to push harder.<\/p>\n

At times too hard. Hard enough in fact, that I graduated with more than honors. \u201cYou doing alright?\u201d \u201cYes sir.\u201d \u201cSlugger.\u201d \u201cYeah dad.\u201d I make the effort to fine tune the military down a notch. Remind him he hasn’t lost his son again. \u201cI’m fine.\u201d \u201cComing home?\u201d The dreaded question.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

This is a short excerpt from the opening of “” by Unknown, quoted for review and introduction purposes. All rights belong to the copyright holders.<\/em><\/p>\n

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