Believing Me Healing From Narcissistic Abuse And Complex Trauma – Ingrid Clayton (1)

It was like roulette. If I called too late in the day, they could be drinking and those conversations were painful but considerably easier than when /e answered. Every time I called, I wondered: Will they love me now, will they choose me now? Am I good enough, now? It never occurred to me to disconnect from them altogether. It felt like my mom’s love and acceptance, and even Randy’s, was the key to my happiness—the key to not being evil. I couldn’t tolerate that my own mom saw me so poorly and the only way out was to convince her otherwise.

To hope she would eventually see the truth. So, I kept waiting. I kept trying. I stayed at Colorado State for one year and somehow passed my classes, but I ran out of money and didn’t want to take out loans. I moved to Denver and worked at Musicland, popping cassettes out of those plastic cages for customers before becoming an administrative assistant downtown. I drank in dive bars with people twice my age, where nobody checked my fake ID.

I was just existing until a hopeful thought occurred: Maybe I can leave Colorado. Maybe I should move to New York? Almost anyone who had ever heard me sing suggested | try out for Star Search. I never wanted to be on that show, but I still wanted to be a star.

I was nineteen and felt empowered by the idea I could make my own way in New York. I made a trip to the city, just to make sure I really wanted to go through with it. Sitting in my terminal at the airport, I met a woman named Camila who was reading The Celestine Prophecy.

We ended up chatting about synchronicities steering us down a spiritual path and later asked to sit next to one another on the plane. We landed in the city much later than expected, so Camila wouldn’t let me take the bus and subway to a friend of a friend’s apartment like I’d planned. She called us a taxi and we went to her friend Manny’s house in the Bronx.

I was going to a stranger’s house either way, as I had barely spoken to my friend’s friend. At least Camila and I had spent the day together. The cab driver’s New York accent was magic and the skyline was a million times bigger and brighter than anything I had seen in the movies.

abuse. She provides that rarest of things, a realistic glimpse into the evolution of healing in a survivor, and humanizes a painful journey that has too often been simplified. Her story is compelling and she shares it with compassion, vulnerability and honesty. This book should be required reading for anyone who wants to learn about complex trauma, narcissistic family systems, and the landscape of healing from trauma.

All survivors will see a part of themselves in Ingrid’s story.” — Dr. Ramani Durvasula Clinical psychologist, author, and professor emerita of psychology. Founder and CEO of LUNA Education, Training and Consulting. “Gorgeously told, Believing Me is a gripping, courageous memoir of healing from a deeply compassionate clinician—and a powerful invitation to heal.”

— Dr. Craig Malkin Author of the internationally acclaimed Rethinking Narcissism, clinical psychologist, and lecturer for Harvard Medical School. “Dr. Ingrid Clayton demonstrates just how powerful the writing process can be in trauma recovery. | am most grateful that she is allowing us as readers to share the journey with her. Ingrid is full of candor and insight, and her vulnerability is a true gift to the helping professions and trauma survivors alike.”

— Dr. Jamie Marich Founder, The Institute for Creative Mindfulness EMDR Trainer and author, including Trauma and the 12 Steps: An Inclusive Guide to Enhancing Your Recovery. “A gripping, page-turning memoir about what happens when the adults who are supposed to protect us do the opposite.

Ingrid Clayton was a victim of gas-lighting that began in her pre-teen years and persisted for over thirty years. Despite being a therapist and seeing multiple therapists, Clayton had to learn that her trauma was not in the past and no one could free her from it other than herself.” — Dr. Paria Hassouri Pediatrician and author of Found in Transition: A Mother’s Evolution during her Child’s Gender Change. “This beautifully written memoir illustrates Dr. Clayton’s courage in healing herself from her childhood trauma.

In my many years as a Dialectical Behavioral Therapy researcher and clinician, this is the first account I have read describing the application of DBT treatment principles to heal complex trauma from pervasive childhood invalidation. Childhood invalidation is an insidious trauma that is difficult to treat, requiring strategies beyond regular talk therapy. This book is a unique and invaluable resource for DBT therapists, therapists more generally, and patients who are longing to heal.”

This is a short excerpt from the opening of “” by Unknown, quoted for review and introduction purposes. All rights belong to the copyright holders.

Book Information

• Unique ID: fb0db51b36282f1b
• File Extension: .pdf
• File Size: 10,056,548 bytes (9.591 MB)
• Title: –
• Author: Unknown
• ISBN: 9798986618708, 9798986618715
• Pages: 317
• Language: English (en)

Reading & Word Statistics

• Estimated Reading Time: 329.0 minutes
• Total Words: 65,799
• Total Characters: 362,987
• Average Words per Page: 207.57
• Average Characters per Page: 1145.07

Most Frequent Words

like (404), randy (344), mom (282), felt (257), didn’t (243), said (234), one (231), never (189), ingrid (166), back (152), wanted (151), knew (141), believing (133), know (130), clayton (129), time (125), myself (125), see (124), get (123), couldn’t (121), going (121), wasn’t (120), made (114), way (111), feel (107), trauma (104), even (103), started (101), told (99), life (96), thought (95), day (95), want (92), still (88), went (85), saw (84), john (83), don’t (82), school (81), room (81), things (79), asked (79), got (78), always (77), first (76), people (75), seemed (74), much (74), next (70), away (69), i’m (69), now (68), think (68), body (68), really (68), needed (68), it’s (67), story (65), years (65), though (65), believe (65), say (64), something (64), home (63), new (63), happened (62), house (61), ever (60), feeling (60), family (59), came (59), come (59), voice (57), tell (57), everything (57), night (57), long (56), randy’s (56), maybe (56), every (55), josh (55), another (54), sitting (54), make (54), truth (53), dad (53), parents (53), take (52), healing (51), love (51), right (51), heard (50), face (49), finally (49), moment (48), trying (48), left (48), called (47), coming (47), living (47).

PDF Download