Crazy Love Stories – Leslie What

He could barely stand straight, yet felt as if he could run and leap through hoops. No one could steal this moment of bliss and content. “Lets go,” he said, breathless. “Fine,” she said, and in that heartbeat, he detected a subtle note of boredom. “Where to?” he said, a courtesy. “Does it matter?” she asked and led him away. First appeared in The Infinite Matrix June, 2004 /V A y wife, who is from Russia, and I are about to celebrate I ▼ \our tenth anniversary.

Maybe celebrate is too strong a word for what were doing. Observe might be a better choice, even commemorate, given the circumstances. I sit alone in her apartment, a bottle of California champagne on ice. it isn’t real Champagne, like everything. Yelena will be home late; I heard she goes out dancing Friday nights. I can wait, after all, I waited until I was forty to get married.

I am good at waiting. Plus, she has cable. It’s weird how I can change the channels from my head using my brain implant. The implant doesn’t work how it’s supposed to, but does change the channels. I think it’s defective. That would explain a lot. Yesterday, I got a letter from a lawyer, explaining that the former Yelena Chekhov wanted a divorce. I’d sure like to hear that coming from Yelena; then I’d believe it.

The problem, the same one we’ve had all along, is our language barrier. Yelena never learned English and I never learned Russian. We communicated by Charades until the implants that were supposed to change everything. I’m not saying I’m the perfect husband, but Yelena is not an easy woman to please. In that way she’s like most American women, not that I would ever have considered marrying one. They expect so much a man can never measure up. Yelena, on the other hand, expected nothing. That sure changed once she got here.

I remember that first day like it was half an hour ago. She walks outside alone, showing off her new gold chains. Gets mugged her first full day in our country. She goes ballistic, refuses to leave the house again until I buy her a little gun, send her to a self-defense class taught by lesbians.

3 2159 00163 9844 Praise for Crazy Love Leslie What finds a surreal joy in the most awful things that can happen.” —Eileen Gunn, author of Stable Strategies and Others “At times deeply emotional and mature but also clever and entertaining, Leslie What’s short fiction always comes from the heart.

A collection from her can only be a cause for celebration.” —Jeff VanderMeer, author of Shriek, an Afterward “Classic Leslie What.” —Bill Sullivan, author of Listening for Coyote: A Walk Across Oregon’s Wilderness Praise of Olympic Games, Tachyon, 2004 “Take a playboy Zeus with issues; a New-Age Hera; an idiot boy; another who’s half-bug, half-bat; an artist who walks backwards; and a woman who lived inside a door for 2000 years…

You’d think with this melange, no one but Eudora Welty could have made a moving and magical novel. You’d be wrong. Leslie What has.” —Howard Waldrop “ Olympic Games is not only the first novel by one of our most gifted fantasists, it’s a revelation.”” —James Patrick Kelly “If anybody can write about gods and goddesses, it’s Leslie What. She’s had more close encounters with them than anybody else I know. In fact, I suspect she’s actually a goddess-in-hiding. Read on for a tantalizing and tasty serving of divine madness.”

—Nina Kiriki Hoffman “The Queen of Gonzo.” —Gardner Dozois, editor oiIsaac Asimovs “This novel is so much fun. From the woman in the door to bug bangs (not the haircut) and beyond, the story is deeply imagined and wonderfully realized. Yes, the book is a romp with the gods being the gods, but it is also full of people you will come to care about like Penelope, and Possum who is used to moody women, and Eddie who is destined for bigger things—people who will linger in your mind long after you’ve turned the last page.”

—Ray Vukcevich “…a great big scary comic talent.” —Damon Knight “This is a wonderful novel; it may well become a cult classic.” —Elizabeth Hand “This very funny fantasy is especially impressive in the way it turns serious and genuinely moving in its final pages.” —Michael Berry, San Fransisco Chronicle Praise for The Sweet and Sour Tongue, Wildside, 2002 “Her ingenious whimsey takes her tales to a whole other level of sublime metaphor and surreality.”

This is a short excerpt from the opening of “” by Unknown, quoted for review and introduction purposes. All rights belong to the copyright holders.

Book Information

• Unique ID: c48d27216046165b
• File Extension: .pdf
• File Size: 11,024,121 bytes (10.513 MB)
• Title: –
• Author: Unknown
• ISBN: 9781877655593
• Pages: 209
• Language: English (en)

Reading & Word Statistics

• Estimated Reading Time: 308.72 minutes
• Total Words: 61,744
• Total Characters: 343,194
• Average Words per Page: 295.43
• Average Characters per Page: 1642.08

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