Havent You Heard – Marie Le Conte

Insofar as the whips have weapons, which they don’t really have weapons, you know what they are.’ It is all even more sedate in the House of Lords. One former adviser to the whips there explains: ‘Very rarely would people do the thumbscrews: “Here’s a bit of information I know about you.” That is properly rare. The main thing is actually knowing why someone’s going about something, or knowing the inter-relationships of people, thus knowing the networks. So you would make sure your whips’ office is comprised of all the different cliques.

And you just needed one person in it, they didn’t need to be the leader; you needed to have the gossipy ladies, the smokers, the old hereditaries and all that. Having someone from each different gang meant that you were getting the information and the flow and who was feeling restless, because they were all connecting with each other externally as well, and catching up and seeing how they felt.’ The other thing worth considering is that (most) MPs aren’t stupid: they know which personal problems to go to the whips with and which ones to hide from them.

If what they need is advice from someone who isn’t just one of their friends, at least one party has a place to go: the 1922 Committee. The group was created in 1923 (don’t ask) and represents the backbenches of the Conservative Party. Funnily enough, its chairman at the time of writing is Sir Graham Brady, a former whip.

‘Most whips would think that they have a kind of a function in looking out for the welfare of colleagues as well as just making sure they vote the right way, but there is also an inherent conflict,’ he explains. ‘The whips’ office is there explicitly to serve the government, or the shadow administration if we’re in opposition.

So if the interests of a colleague and the interests of the government are in conflict, or potentially in conflict, then the whips are always going to go with the government. So one could imagine a situation where a colleague has done or said something silly, something embarrassing … Do they go to the whips and risk the possibility that they’ll say, “Come on, we can’t stand behind you on this, or the government might look bad if we defended your conduct?”

All rights reserved. No part of the publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, transmitted or circulated in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission in writing of the publisher. A CIP catalogue of this book is available from the British Library.

Designed and set by seagulls.net Copyright © Marie Le Conte, 2019 Marie Le Conte has asserted her moral right to be identified as the author of this Work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. Every reasonable effort has been made to trace copyright holders of material reproduced in this book, but if any have been inadvertently overlooked the publishers would be glad to hear from them. 535 is an imprint of Bonnier Books UK www.bonnierbooks.co.uk OceanofPDF.com To , who with and without whom I OceanofPDF.com CONTENTS Acknowledgements The Personal and the Political Part 1 / People Part 2 / Places Part 3 / Personalities Part 4 / Processes Part 5 / Power The Political and the Personal Bibliography Cast of Characters OceanofPDF.com ‘The foregoing remarks are not intended to imply that politicians are better than other men, but simply that they are like other men.

What other men do in their affairs, politicians do in politics. But so high is the standard of behavior expected of the politician that we refuse him the benefit of any doubt until after he is dead. Then, if he is sufficiently eminent and not too odious, we exalt him as a statesman and erect a monument to his memory.’ – Political philosopher Chester C. Maxey, 1954 OceanofPDF.com ‘When people portray politics for the rest of the population, they leave out the most important thing, which is that it’s unbelievably enjoyable and everyone’s having a really great time.

Why else would we do it?’ – Former political adviser Miranda Green, 2018 OceanofPDF.com ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS There are a number of people without whom this book couldn’t have existed. Labour MP Tom Watson isn’t one of them; when approached for this book, he refused to be interviewed as gossip ‘isn’t really [his] thing’.

This will be news to a number of people. Moving on … Most of this book was written from The Café, which I originally decided to name then changed my mind as I selfishly want to keep it all to myself. The staff and the regulars are lovely, the music choices charming if occasionally puzzling, and not an eyebrow was raised when I came in five days a week and only ever ordered two drinks a day.

A special thanks must be given to Milo as well, the cheeriest and fluffiest dog south London has ever seen. It also seems fair to say that I wouldn’t have come up with the idea for Haven’t You Heard? if it hadn’t been for Daragh, Agnes, Alex and GH, who are and have always been up for a last-minute pint and a gossip in Westminster.

This is a short excerpt from the opening of “” by Unknown, quoted for review and introduction purposes. All rights belong to the copyright holders.

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