Creating Love The Next Great Stage Of Growth – John Bradshaw

He had a high school education and read very little. This limited his range of interests. He was a very faithful husband and committed to the things he believed in. He never really showed any vulnerability. He was brought up to believe that su ering should be done in silence and that real men never complain. He was fearful of taking any risks.

This is the atmosphere he breathed as a child. He was taught at an early age that life is risky. He learned to play it safe. Today I think of my grandfather as both a saint and a sinner. Like all human beings, he was the product of his family culture, the larger culture, and his individual choices.

I am no longer so concerned with judging him. I recommend that you do a three-column comparison for each of the survival gures who was signi cant to you. In the middle column, put as much factual data as you can nd. Focus especially on your parents’ childhoods, noting issues relating to family violence. Stage Two: Child-to-Child Dialogue Remember my drawing of a person as an adult child? I drew a big gure with a smaller gure inside.

In order to demythologize your source gures, you must see them as the wounded children they were. Even if your parents had exceptional childhoods they were inevitably somewhat wounded. They were wounded by the patriarchal culture and by the inevitable human limitations of their parents. It is imperative that you see your source gure as human, that is, as carrying some woundedness. (Have your partner read this exercise to you.) Choose the survival gure you want to work on. I’ll use mother for this sample. Play Daniel Kobialka’s “Going Home.”

Find a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted. Breathe in to the count of eight, hold to the count of four, and breathe out to the count of eight. Do this deep breathing for four minutes.… Now focus on the number 8, see a black 8 on a white curtain, or a white 8 on a black curtain If you have trouble seeing the number, imagine yourself nger painting it.…

Now focus on the number 7 and let yourself relax more and more. Find the perfect place that is a balance between holding on and letting go.

My original pain work—described in Homecoming—culminated in a deeper and more loving relationship with myself. But it left me with a great uncertainty about how to be intimate and loving with others. I had to admit that even after years of recovery and working on myself I still felt a ba ing despair about love and ful llment. The reclaiming of my inner child was the beginning of learning to love, not the end. I found that many others were in the same quandary. At my workshops, people ooded me with questions and statements like: • What does it take to have a good relationship?

• After all the changes I’ve made, how come my marriage is still a mess? • I’ve left my rigid religious upbringing and now I’m left with nothing. How do I nd my Higher Power? • I’m getting my own life together, but my kids are totally screwed up. • My job is driving me crazy. I’m in recovery, but my boss isn’t. He shames me every day. The unsolved mystery in recovery was about loving relationships.

This book is the fruit of my own struggle with these issues. CREATING LOVE A Bantam Book PUBLISHING HISTORY Bantam hardcover edition published December 1992 Bantam trade paperback edition / February 1994 Grateful acknowledgment is made for permission to reprint from the following: The Complete Poems of Emily Dickinson, edited by Thomas H. Johnson. Copyright 1929 by Martha Dickinson Bianchi; copyright © renewed 1957 by Mary L.

Hampson. By permission of Little, Brown and Company. Reprinted by permission of the publishers and the Trustees of Amherst College from The Poems of Emily Dickinson, edited by Thomas H. Johnson, Cambridge, MA: The Belknap Press of Harvard University Press, copyright 1951, © 1955, 1979, 1983 by the President and Fellows of Harvard College. Uncommon Therapy by Jay Haley. Copyright 1987 by W. W. Norton & Co., Inc. Reprinted by permission of the publisher. Phoenix: Therapeutic Patterns of Milton H.

Erickson by David Gordon and Maribeth Meyers-Anderson. Copyright 1981 by META Publications. Reprinted by permission of the publisher. All rights reserved. Copyright © 1992 by John Bradshaw Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 92-23230 No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher. For information address: Bantam Books.

This is a short excerpt from the opening of “” by Unknown, quoted for review and introduction purposes. All rights belong to the copyright holders.

Book Information

• Unique ID: 7a52cab1ce651616
• File Extension: .pdf
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• Title: –
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• ISBN: 9780804150392
• Pages: 484
• Language: English (en)

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• Total Words: 138,741
• Total Characters: 791,966
• Average Words per Page: 286.65
• Average Characters per Page: 1636.29

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