How To Not Die In Prison – Taylor Sheridan

It won’t look like much, but it’s the closest thing you’ll have to a convenience store. Cash is no good here, so you’ll be paying from your commissary account. The offerings will vary depending on where you’re spending your sentence—what’s sold in the store at one prison can be considered contraband in the next, and I’ve had items purchased at one prison confiscated upon being transferred to another.

But on a mainline yard, you can buy anything from ramen noodles to hair gel and even coffeepots. You’ll be surprised by what you’ll wind up needing to buy—everything from toothpaste, soap, and deodorant to food, snacks, coffee, and other essentials. The government soap that’s provided for free as part of your hygiene kit at intake runs out in a few days; after that, in most places you’re expected to buy your own.

Same goes for toilet paper. You’re often provided a limited monthly quantity and will need to use money you earn at your aboveboard nine-to-five to supply the rest. What is provided for free is of the cheapest quality the prison can possibly get its hands on. Brushing your teeth with tooth powder? Not a great way to start the day. If you’re down on your luck, a few basic items will be provided for you.

But you really have to be hard up. In lots of states, your commissary account will need to get down to a measly five dollars before the government will throw you a free bar of soap or a tube of toothpaste. Most of the prison coffee you can buy from the canteen is going to be the instant stuff, but trust me when I say that you’ll grow to like the taste of it.

The free “coffee” you get at the chow hall tastes like cigarette ashes brewed in butt juice stew—and honestly, given the track record of some of the for-profit companies handling food services these days, I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s how they actually made it. The buzz from that morning cup of joe is one of those few small pleasures you’ll have left, and inmates get very particular about their routine—many jailbirds are addicts coping with the daily reality of sobriety.

Stockpiling a personal coffee stash in case of lockdown or shortages is common. Some inmates even prepare for lockdown periods by refraining from washing their mugs, creating a nasty layer of residue you can scrape off and mix with hot water for some semblance of a buzz.

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You will continue to receive exclusive offers in your inbox. OceanofPDF.com OceanofPDF.com I dedicate this book to my wife and son. Son, you can do anything you set your mind to—now don’t be dumb and end up in prison. To my wife— thank you for believing in me when nobody else believed in me, including myself.

—TS Dedicated to my beautiful daughter, Kelly Nelson, who is the love of my life and my motivation for writing this book. —TN OceanofPDF.com INTRODUCTION TAYLOR You might wonder what in the world gives me the knowledge or wisdom to write a survival guide to prison. Well, I’ll tell you—absolutely nothing. I’ve never been to prison. But, like every man, I’ve certainly wondered how I would survive if circumstances ever put me there. That morbid curiosity sent me on a journey to understand the politics and dangers of prison.

When researching for Mayor of Kingstown, I learned very quickly it’s way better to avoid going to prison than to figure out how to survive one. We filmed Mayor of Kingstown in Toronto and a town north called Kingston —where numerous prisons are located. One of them had been taken out of commission, and we filmed all our prison scenes in that location, even using former inmates as extras in the show. In one particular scene, which was the “initiation” of a new inmate—a child killer, no less—we had to pause filming and bring in paramedics: One of the extras was so traumatized by the reenactment, he had a panic attack that was severe enough to send him to the hospital.

Two other former inmates asked to leave immediately, SAG card be damned. That’s how bad prison can be: Former inmates don’t even want to pretend they are back… But still, none of this tells you why the hell I joined up with Tom to write a book about prison. Not to worry, I’m getting there…

This is a short excerpt from the opening of “” by Unknown, quoted for review and introduction purposes. All rights belong to the copyright holders.

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