If Youd Just Let Me Finish – Jeremy Clarkson

What’s the point of that? You’d still have thousands of people all huddled together in one place. It’s just that they’d be outside in the rain, rather than inside, where it’s dry and warm. If you’re on an Easter break now and it took you hours to get through the airport, then the criminals have won. It’s as simple as that. So what’s to be done? Well, we’re told that there are possibly up to six hundred people in Europe right now who are happy to explode, and I’m not sure there’s a damn thing we can do to stop that happening.

We can’t even put our hands up and say, ‘OK, OK. We give in.’ Because we don’t really know what it is they want. Apart from us all to die. The fact is that they are going to carry on blowing up until the recruits realize that they don’t end up in heaven with a load of virgins. That they just end up dead, like all their victims.

And that’s not going to happen any time soon. So we have to accept that there will be atrocities in various European cities from time to time. And then we have to work out how life for most people can carry on as normal in spite of this. I’ve listened all week to politicians saying that we need more EU integration and that we need less EU integration. I’ve heard bleeding-heart liberals say that if the Muslim youths in various run-down suburbs were given a better education and a proper job afterwards, they would be less inclined to blow themselves up.

And I’ve heard frothing Nazis say that they should all be escorted back to wherever they came from in cattle wagons. But because we live in sensitive times when we are not allowed to cause offence, I haven’t heard one person suggest the one solution that everyone knows will work. Cara Delevingne. Your first primary-school teacher. My children. Andrew Lloyd Webber.

I’m having another baby. But I can’t tell you what it will look like The only answer to the Med refugee crisis: unfold your sofa bed So what if Tom Cruise worships lizards? Lots of us have weirder beliefs Call me Jezza Slobovic – I’m fat, I have a tennis bat and I will win Wimbledon Money’s no object and men don’t count when a woman has a horse Smile, joke, sing about your ding-a-ling.

Then Britain will rule again Dismantle Palmyra and rebuild it outside Padstow. That’ll fox Jihadi John Gotta get a job – then I can give up elderflower cordial and live again It’s a simple rule, PM: you stop my ration of sex and pork pies, I park for free Jo’burg turns to man’s best fiend – but he’s no match for my twelve-bore An Englishman’s idea to stop Mao Tse Sturgeon taking the laird’s land I’ll just run this up the flagpole: we’ve let the Union Jack go to pot Spare me the 57 varieties of Angela who think they make a better ketchup Before you make a fool of yourself, Mr Midlife, try this for a real buzz Splints, tick.

Crutches, tick. Stuff health and safety, tick. Let the holiday begin This will relax you, said the prison yoga teacher as she pulled my leg off Chickens are safe, but Labour’s Ms Vegan will leave us ripped to shreds Dear hotel manager, get off of my smalls. Yours, Keith Richards Sorry to be a bore but we must drill a great hole through Blackpool Beneath the splinter in my foot lies the key to all human endeavour Vite, vite, Johnny French.

We can’t wait much longer for a nuclear roast turkey Labour’s little leftie does not deserve the abuse. But I know a man who does The snooper’s charter is a danger to us all. A man in the pub told me Come on, Charles: put Frankenfish and bio bees in your world peace plan Officer, arrest that man – he’s all too easily offended by Fury’s piffle The signs said New York but it looked just like London and felt like hell Hallelujah, Reverend!

This hymn hater has seen the happy-clappy light Pipe down, mudslingers. It was Frank, not Phil, that soaked the north Kim has a bomb. No need for panic – just fire up the Roman candles I stand before the Twitter Inquisition, guilty of not worshipping Bowie Transgender issues are driving me nuts. I need surgery on my tick boxes Utter even a kind word and the lefties’ digital vitriol is instantly fizzing Yo, kids, this morning’s anti-drug message is brought to you by ISIS If you want the Oscar, Ridley, better start shooting Blade Limper I’m aching like billy-o and dying for a fag.

This is a short excerpt from the opening of “” by Unknown, quoted for review and introduction purposes. All rights belong to the copyright holders.

Book Information

• Unique ID: 1d045c1a939a9926
• File Extension: .pdf
• File Size: 1,687,915 bytes (1.61 MB)
• Title: –
• Author: Unknown
• Pages: 289
• Language: English (en)

Reading & Word Statistics

• Estimated Reading Time: 484.85 minutes
• Total Words: 96,970
• Total Characters: 529,293
• Average Words per Page: 335.54
• Average Characters per Page: 1831.46

Most Frequent Words

it’s (389), one (349), people (331), like (224), get (219), i’m (198), say (190), now (181), that’s (174), know (172), time (171), don’t (170), even (165), back (158), said (148), make (146), going (143), think (140), day (140), well (139), way (126), see (125), man (123), world (121), want (120), last (119), every (118), really (117), much (116), thing (116), i’d (113), new (109), someone (107), bit (106), com (105), work (104), something (102), put (101), good (101), oceanofpdf (99), everyone (97), many (95), can’t (95), week (95), there’s (91), made (88), never (88), need (87), saying (87), two (87), next (86), though (86), i’ve (84), years (84), look (82), britain (81), nothing (80), take (79), decided (78), come (77), things (77), actually (77), thought (76), better (75), life (75), went (74), used (74), he’d (74), told (72), point (72), become (72), called (71), still (70), means (70), didn’t (70), course (70), he’s (69), end (69), days (69), they’d (67), problem (67), tell (64), you’re (64), right (64), away (64), around (64), another (63), got (62), first (62), find (62), however (62), full (61), spend (61), television (60), old (58), home (58), fact (58), idea (57), sure (57), night (57).

PDF Download